Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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