I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
