So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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