Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
