It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
