i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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