So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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