So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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