How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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