So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
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they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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