I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
