I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
