im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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