just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
