Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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