Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
