What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
