she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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