We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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