i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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