just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
