so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
