I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
