I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
