i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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