did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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