He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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