I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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