So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
