I must be too annoying 4 u.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
