rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
