worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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