Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize