Well douche your snatch and let's go!
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the day after is always just damage control
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
