It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
