Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
