i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
