I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
