Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
