you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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