I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
