I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
