you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
