I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
