We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
