explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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