What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So. Much. Porn.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
