maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
