Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
