Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
