I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had sex on a roof
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
