Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
