Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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