The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
