Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
