why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
