ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
