He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
