I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
