just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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