omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
sex in a hospital.. check
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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