Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
