my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
