I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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