you traded sex for a burrito?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
