No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
