I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
