dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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