I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
