I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
