I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
