I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
birth control should be required to get into college
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
