well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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