I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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