Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
