I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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