So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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