I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
