his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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