Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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