I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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