she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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